Zoey

Posts Tagged ‘Getting Attention’

Dog Grammar—Or, What Errors Bug a Dog

In A Dog's Need for Attention, Cute Dachshunds, Cute Dogs on August 6, 2017 at 11:30 am

Zoey'sCoat

I get lots of attention as one of my friends readies me for a walk. See my pink coat and leash!

I’m cute, and I’m a princess, and I’m also a Dog Grammarian.

That means I like proper grammar as much as I like proper pets.

First, I’ll explain how to conduct a proper petting procedure of a cute dog. I come up to you with a tail wiggle, or I invite you to rush over to me, employing the same tactic, and I gaze at you with my big brown eyes (think Van Morrison’s “Brown-Eyed Girl”). I tell you to stop what you’re doing, reach out a hand and get down to the business of rubbing behind my ears, petting my belly and saying, “Isn’t she so cute?” Or “pretty.” Or “beautiful.”

Oh … I’m supposed to talk about grammar.

I don’t like run-on sentences, though I like to run around the yard and play tug-of-war and go on long walks, or not so long, because I get carried part of the way, and I like to be the center of attention, and I like …

I hate misplaced or misused commas. This is how commas are supposed to work: they separate thoughts and ideas, such as two complete sentences separated by the words “and” or “but.” They do not replace periods. They may or may not be used before the word “and” when a series of words are listed, but that all depends.

I don’t like missing periods at the end of a sentence Period.

I hate it when capital letters are used when the letters should be small or vice-versa, though I’m always a capital CZ for Cute Zoey.

I hate it when someone says “First,” without a “Second,” which I just did, but I was trying to explain …

I hate ellipses. I want to know what you’re thinking, not have to guess. I’m not a mind reader. I’m a dog.

I hate misspelled words or mixed-up words like “their,” “they’re” and “there” and “lie,” “lay” and “laid.” I lie down. I’m over here, not there. I’m eating my treat.

And last but not least I don’t like negative constructions. I like to be positive, or mostly. I am most certainly positive when I get treats. I am positive when I get petted. And I get extra, extra cheerful when my bowl is full of good things to eat.